My blissful addiction to the tiny little beans

I'm a coffee addict, yes I am, since a long long time ago. It's amazing how such humble little beans can produce such intense, mysterious and delicious aroma. Nothing beats starting off a morning with a cup of strong blend. A smooth roast in the afternoon goes well with a light lunch, and a cappuccino after dinner is divine, and if the mood is right, I don't mind a cup of decaf in the middle of the night.

I appreciate a cup of good roast, especially when accompanied with a nice sofa, comfortable surrounding, some mood setting background music, and a street side window with handful of pretty faces to check out, or a good book to kill off a lazy afternoon. A cuppa of 3x strength is essential while burning midnight oil (I always do), and to ensure a nocturnal being like me gliding through the night effortlessly.

These tiny little beans have been an essential part of the world's civilisation for centuries. Without them, the Parisian cafe culture would not flourish, and Edith Piaf might not be such a timeless classic among the cafe fans. Coffee farmers may not earn as much as they do now when more coffee buyers adopt the fair trade concept. Rural coffee plantation in Africa, south america and south east Asia will not be developed to support the local economy, giving their younger generations a better future, and to upgrade their living condition.

Tiny little beans with a big significance. My beloved coffee, my justifiable addiction!





**Just about to finish off a night shift, and going to have my breakfast and nice cup of Americano.


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Don't wanna be a doctor yet...

5 days count down to graduation ball, 13 days to convocation, 30 days to first day on the job... I am considering this possibility - can I not postpone the day I put on the stethoscope and take over the ward? I don't wanna be a doctor yet! Don't think I am ready for that...


It's been months after finals, and a big chunk of knowledge I gained in the past few years seem to have been deleted from my memory. Besides, I am not entirely sure that I am prepared for the challenging life of a houseman. Being in charged of a ward in the day or the whole hospital during night shift? Doesn't sounds cool to me. Lives of patients depend on my decisions, of which my insufficient experience and immature skills might be their one way ticket to heaven. My license to heal could be the same one to kill!

I can no longer say 'sorry I'm just a student' and I am expected to know my stuffs well, and that is worrying. It is not just doing things to learn anymore, it's doing things to develop a career, to please my superior for a good feedback, so that I can get a nice step up the training ladder. Oh, and workplace politics too, another new subject to learn and master!

Once starting my job, I will have to abandon this carefree, spontaneous lifestyle I've been living for months now: I work as much as I want, I go anywhere under the sun I wanna be, I search around for the most exotic food, I stay indoor for days when I feel like doing so and I meet whoever I miss dearly. I haven't have enough of this, and am not ready to give this up yet.

Well, it's a new phase of life that I must go through and I shall adjust my mood to start it off with a blast! Here I am, standing at the shores of my student life, waiting for my boat to sail through the ocean of an interesting career. Praying for a safe, calm and peaceful journey until I reach my final destination. I am sailing, I am sailing...


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Devil D

Working in a healthcare setting, you can't help but constantly be reminded about your own mortality. Recently, a question rings in my head all the time... what is the worse disease that one could get?

The big scary HIV? Not really, with early detection and well developed anti-virals drugs and on-going research, the life-span of a HIV positive patient has been increase tremendously.

The nasty C - Cancer? Yes maybe - but there is still a bleak chance of surviving with the right treatment - Chemo or Radio or more the sophisticated you-name-it, and if a deadly one is diagnosed early you can have your remaining time predicted quite accurately so that you can plan your end-of-life issues.

An autoimmune disorder that doesn't kill but affects your quality of life e.g.: Crohn's or SLE? Well, it does cause major suffering during flare ups, but with optimum control the remission periods could be a blissful break.

So what is it then? Well, this is a very subjective question. What I personally think - the worst condition that could happen to me is something that would cause me to lose myself slowly. Nothing but the Devil D - Dementia. Imagine that losing yourself slowly, starting off by being forgetful, then you forget about things that happened in the past, forget about your loved ones, forgetting who you are... It's like the contents of your brain being digged out bits by bits, until nothing is left but an empty shell...

One day if I am diagnosed with dementia, dear friends, please bring me to Amsterdam or Switzerland for a legal Euthanasia. Please please please.

(This is merely my own opinion, those unfortunate souls out there with the Devil D, I express my deepest sympathy here, and please don't take any offence)

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How do you do?

I see those eyes in the crowd
Big grey charming eyes
Yet I turned away
Arrogance, shyness, or ignorance?
I guess it's a mixture of all

I see that smile casted at me
A melting killer smile
Yet I looked away
Unprepared, nervousness or unnecessary pride?
I hate not knowing what to say or do

Yes, I am not a natural flirt
Yes, I don't initiate too often
Yes, I am still sober...
Let me down a few pints
To kill the ego inside me

Just hold on sec
I will come to you
With a big hello
A big hug
and a 'How do you do'


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Back in UK - Beginning of a Glorious Summer

It's been nearly 3 weeks since I got back from my blissful 2 months' elective & holiday in Malaysia. So what have I been doing in the since my return to the land of Union Jack?

1. Enjoying the sunshine, and long days. Although I've had enough of sun back in KL, sunshine in England is a rare commodity, and at a mild temperature and less humid weather, it actually feels nice to be out in the sun! Had a BBQ with the gang in the weekend, which was a blissfully fattening experience. Imagine us having proper homemade Kajang Satay with authentic peanuts gravy and ketupat, in the sun in UK, followed by hours of poker, Too good to be true ei!

2. Catching up with friends. Everyone is eager to talk about their elective and plans for summer! So glad to see everyone :)

3. Work! My usual nursing bank shifts. Been getting lots of them since I have nothing much to do in these few weeks till convocation. I try to do 3 nights in the week, and half a Sunday. That will make me enough £ for the next few months - for visa application (£665pds - oh dear), rent, GMC registration, and summer shoppingggggg!

4. Going to Gym. Joined Bannatyne's Health Club again after 2 lazy years. This complement well with my night shifts, as I go in for an hour before I start work, and another hour after work. It's a bliss to have this sanctuary right in the middle between my flat and workplace, as I don't have to make any extra effort to get there... cos it's just THERE. My daily routine would be 30mins on either threadmill/bike/stepper, and a 20 laps swim in the pool, ending with a relaxing 15mins in the steamroom/sauna. Coupling up regular gym sessions and healthy eating, I'm determined to shed a whole lot of adipose tissues for this summer, for nicer photos during grad ball and convocation, and also for a sparkling new image as a newly qualified healthcare professional!

5. Sorting out mountains of documents. Although I am still not sure if I want to stay in UK or return back to work in KL, I filled up all the documents UHB sent me anyway e.g. reply for confirmation of job offer acceptance, pre-employment checks etc. Quite a tedious chore to be honest!

6. Online shopping. For CDs, DVDs, books, misc rubbish etc. Bought so much that I have shut down the computer to stop myself from doing so. It is infectious, I shall try to exert more self control! Just for a rough guide of the scale of it... I've got and extra 2 dozens of CD/DVDs, and books that could possibly last me for half a year if I have the time to read continuosly.

7. Catching up with the series I missed in the past 2 months, and starting new ones.

8. Sorting out my folks' grand UK trip. Mum and dad are coming on 1st July, and I've been scratching my head thinking where to bring them to. Finally decided that we won't be going too far away. Just going to concentrate on the midlands, and a 3days trip to Isle of Skye. All done now, just pray hard for good weather :) This is the very first time they come to visit me in UK. Trying my best to impress them and make sure they have a good time. Will need a major tidying up of my flat, stock up my fridge with nice and fresh food and start planning the meals (my cooking of course!).


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My Swimming Partner

After rejoining Bannatyne's health club, I have been going for my daily swim religiously. Many reasons behind to motivate me: I love swimming, need to get in shape and to shed some fat gained back home in the last 2 months, good location of the club, and last but not least - I've got gorgeous swimming partners. Not anyone great, just celebrities such as Rihanna, Lady GaGa and Britney ;) They sing to me with much enthusiasm underwater!

Cheeky me. Right, serious talking now. Introducing this great gadget I got myself last week - Speedo Aquabeat waterproof MP3 player. Great company while you're in the pool or during any wet activities. Comes with a floatable main body, and a tight fitting earphones. All parts are waterproof and comes with Speedo's 1 year warranty. 1GB/500 songs, 9hrs playback time, sufficient to swim across the Atlantic!






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A peaceful 12.5 hours

What a blissful shift I had last night. Got a very last minute job call from the nurse bank. It was a specialed care session, 1-to-1 to a patient in the plastic/max-fac ward. I have done several specialed care shifts in the past and they were all differently interesting. Some were demanding, some were relaxing. Thought I should get to know about the shift/patient better before starting, I rang up the ward. This patient Mr. H suffers from schizophrenia and had history of self harming, the most recent episode was few days ago in A&E in another hospital - lacerated his wrist. So basically, I am summoned to sit in with him to make sure he does nothing silly throughout the night. Great, 12.5hours with a psychiatric patient!

After getting myself mentally (yea it takes a bit to deal with psychiatric patients, i've learned that during my psyc block) and physically (just in case I need to fight, or run lol)prepared, I headed off to the hospital with much anticipation, and excitement.

Mr. H, to my surprise was pretty sober and normal. A quick glance around his room, most potentially harmful items have been removed from the room e.g.: wires, tubes, syringes, sharpes etc, anything that he could use to harm himself. I grabbed a comfortable chair and sit near to the entrace, for source of light from the corridor to read when the lights were out, and to call for help just in case he got agitated beyond control.

Guess what, after offering him a drink at around 10pm, he went to sleep. He woke up a few times throughout the night, but went back to sleep uneventfully every time. Slightly disappointed, wasn't too happening and fun as I expected after all. Well, I went all prepared, so I dug out my book and started reading. Chronicles of Wind-up Bird. Perfect match I thought. A bizarre novel for a bizarre setting! Accompanied by a few cups of coffees, I went through nearly a third of the book, with a 2 hours break in between which I managed a short nap.

Tick tock tick tock, finally clock hits 8am. I bid goodbye to Mr. H and the staff. There goes a wonderful and peaceful night! Let's hope there will be more such shifts in the future. I don't really mind to be paid for 12.5hrs to chill and read, perhaps I should bring my laptop and some DVDs next time ;)

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Needle stick injury

Can't believe somebody as careful as me got a needle stick injury!!! Was on my nursing night shift in the hospital. As usual, tidying the patients up, put them to bed, serve drinks, make sure everything is in place etc etc. Then I saw this bin which is full in the treatment room, so decided to change the bag in it (f.y.i this is not even my job, it's the domestic's, but since I was in a good mood, I decided to do it anyway). Got the plastic bags out, overfilled, so took me a while to tie it up. Then carry it to the disposal area.

Then, ouch, something sharp behind my calf - just a tiny bit. Then I saw this needle poking out the plastic bag... Quickly i dumb the bag away and check on my calf... phew just a scratch! Washed the area quickly. Then i examined the needle, another relief, was a 10ml syringe fill up with clear colourless fluid, supposedly saline drawn up to flush a cannula (note that normally a needle if not connected to a blood sample bottle is only used to draw up saline or drugs from the tube and discarded, as flushing do not require a needle).

After analysing the situation, I concluded that it was some stupid junior doctors' deed, who had drawn up the saline and decided not to use it, but instead of disposing into sharps bin, he/she threw it into a normal waste bin. How dumb, how unprofessional, how unethical! Nurses are better trained in terms of health and safety issues in the ward, and in a haematology ward they have no reason not to know the protocols well, only dumb junior doctors do things like this.

Am I safe then? Well there is a slight risk of infection. But since there wasn't a deep penetration, and that the registrar in the ward confirmed with me that there wasn't any high risk patients in the ward, and the nature of the fluid filled in the syringe itself, I am quite safe... Well, the protocol requires me to have a blood sample taken, have an incident report and followed up by the occupational health, fingers crossed. Hopefully I don't become too famous in the department!

Lesson learned:
1. Do not be kind-hearted and do others' job.
2. Be careful, even in the safest situation.
3. Scream, kick, abuse and curse them to hell - those doctors who don't practice safely.
4. Be a 110% safe doctor when I start my first job later this year.


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Messy Messy Messy

I hate unpacking, such a mess! Clothes, shoppings, food, books... they're everywhere. What's making it worse - I was rushing out 2 months ago to catch the train to the airport so it wasn't too tidy to begin with. On top of that, there are tonnes of letters, parcels, leaflets, bank statements, junk mails to be sorted out, arghhh that's going to take me hours. For once I wish Royal Mail and Amazon aren't that efficient, they could've send all the stuffs late but not these few days when I just arrived.

Who wants to be my one-day-maid? I'll pay him/her good money to unpack, tidy up and do my laundry for me! Or who has a magic wand that I can borrow, with a wave and everything goes to where they belong! Ah daydreaming, better start doing it myself NOW!




'Fresh' from Amazon/Borders/Kinokuniya/MPH/Times. Some extra nutrients for the brain for the next few months!

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Leaving on a Jet Plane

It's time to sing this song again. My favourite theme song for airport.

Long long time ago, I used to record every flight I've taken - the airlines, destinations and length of the journey... That mission has been abandoned, probably flying isn't too uncommon after a while. If I'm not trained to be a doctor, I'd probably be a pilot or a cabin crew, because I love & hate airports as much as I love & hate hospitals.

I hate airport...
Travelling to an airport is a nightmare. Getting to KLIA from my hometown is a 2.5 hrs journey. It's not any better from KL - 1hr on the cab, or more if I were to catch the LRT and the airport bus. What's more - the heavy luggages that I have to drag along the way. I always have the tendency to over-pack. A good (or bad) practice I learned from scouting times - Always be prepared, that's what Uncle Baden Powell taught us. Hence, all the unnecessary stuffs (eg: sunblock and sunglasses for a journey to UK in the winter) are all packed in... just in case. And this 'just in case' cost a fortune if the ground staffs don't buy my near-perfect negotiation skills. The queue is always mad, and it's not just one off - you queue for N'th times to complete your journey. Queue to check-in, queue for security checks, queue for baggage scanning, queue to board, queue to disembark, queue at the immigration counters (2x) etc etc. During the peak seasons in a busy airport such as London Heathrow or Dubai International, queuing alone can shorten your lifespan by decades!

I love airport as much as I hate it...
Besides all the hassles, traveling to the airport always comes with an ultimate reward - to see the landmarks I've been dying to see for years, to visit family and friends, to participate in a special event, to get spoilt in a new vacation spot etc. There's always something to look forward to after the hassles and long haul journeys. Having the nomad blood in me, there's nothing better to hop from one place to another, the further the better. I love the feeling when the aircraft takes off from the ground. You feel as if the ground is trying to hold you back, with all its strength to stop you from getting away, your ears gone blurish, and you try to swallow your saliva to equalise the pressure on both side of the eardrums. As the aircraft gone stable, you're free to walk about, sleep, watch video, eat and drink on a whole new horizon few hundreds feet off the ground, traveling parallel to the cars, trains, boat and all the living creatures down below.

I have a whole lot more to write about airport and flying, but it's time for boarding. Right, time to sing the theme song again...
Journey number xxx,
Date: 3rd June 2009
Route: KL to London
Purpose: Graduation, picnic in the sun with friends, strawberries, tea and scones, fish and chips, leisure stroll down historical path of England, summer sales, alcohol binging, saying hello to working life...


Sing along with me:

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


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